Surviving Gluten-Free: Day One Recap

Day One of Horrible Diet down. It ended with my youngest pooping by the large indoor plant, stepping in it, and running around the house.

Maybe in protest to no wheat, dairy or egg?

It was very fun to hand-clean, steam mop, and then regular mop the dining room.

Perhaps a bit obsessive?

But when you see little baby poop footprints all over your wood floors, it unleashes your inner OCD.

I made a very unsuccessful dinner (mostly because I followed the recipe which I don’t believe was intended for a family of four) of breaded chicken using many ingredients that I had to improvise on, since I am rarely appropriately prepared and also because grocery shopping with two screaming children makes me forget items and run through the aisles “Supermarket Sweep”-style.

I made a granola that I found pretty edible, but my husband deemed too expensive and one child won’t even deem to put in his mouth.

And then to cap it all off with poop footprints.

So all in all not one of my better days.

But if I can believe what the interwebz says about symptoms of wheat intolerance, I should be so happy and energetic with clear skin within a week or so of giving it up. I hope we all survive long enough to see that blessed day.

Giving it all Up

I’ve decided that it’s time to make my life more difficult.

This new stay-at-home mom thing is way too easy (not).

So I’ve decided to up the ante.

I’m going to start our family on a hypoallergenic diet! Doesn’t that sound fun?!

Yeah I’m not sold either.

Backstory- I’m one of those sick sadistic people that truly enjoys giving up stuff for Lent. Not because it’s fun, mind you. Because I like to prove that my dick is bigger than my friends, and I can give up something completely ridiculous for 40 days while they struggle with caffeine (hahaha how cute, caffeine) or the like. I gave up cheese one year. All 40 days. If you don’t know me, you don’t realize how HUGE that is. I live and breathe cheese. It was a rough 40 days and I might have blocked out the last few weeks.

Deciding to make this huge diet change is going to be super rough. But the last few months my eldest has developed a recurring rash inside his elbow pits. It’s red and pimply and he says it hurts. My youngest, the hardier of the stock, has over the past few weeks, developed super dry skin on the back of his arms, front of his thighs, and has a red pimply rash on his shoulders, and red scaly dry face. Then a few days ago he started getting the elbow pit rash. My husband is convinced it’s from dryer sheets, but I think it’s diet related. Mostly because I worked at a natural food store and drank too much of that koolaid.

Anyway, starting sometime very soon, we are giving up dairy, wheat and gluten products, eggs, and a bevy of other possibly allergens. This phase goes on for up to 6 weeks I believe, but since we aren’t crazy reactive to foods I’m assuming maybe 3 weeks? And then we slowly introduce foods back in to see where the allergies are, if any. A friend of mine was talking about all the side effects she suffered from her gluten intolerance, and I’m hoping my husband has those issues, so when he’s gluten free he stops being a turd.

So you may not want to visit me anytime in the next two months. We will probably be weeping into our bland sad food.