I had a dream this morning about an actor. Granted, I am too much of a realist, even in my dreams, for the actor to be some big name heartthrob. Instead, a nerdy-cute actor was trying to get in my pants in a dream.
I woke up but was halfway between awake and asleep, my brain thinking about how I would attract an actor, even a “lower-level” (so to speak) actor. My brain was processing how a famous person would ever be interested in me, also granted that I was a different incarnation of me, younger, unmarried, etc. This is the list you probably tell yourself if you were to seriously think of the ideal you. Mine was I would need to be thinner and more in shape. I would have to have a career path and be executing that career in a professional manner. I would have to be assured of myself and my values.
When we dream about that ideal partner before we find them, it’s often someone accomplished, attractive, assured.
My brain was formulating how I would have to improve myself to attract the affection of this person from my dream. I woke up, and lay there in a brief moment of alone time (as a mom this is VERY rare). And then BAM. Epiphany.
First off: I shouldn’t be changing myself to be with a celebrity (obviously, and VERY VERY doubtful I would ever meet a celebrity let alone attract one, and also the very real fact that I’m married). Second off: If I believe these changes would make me that more appealing to a celebrity, how much more so would they endear me to my husband?? Wouldn’t he want me to be more physically fit, motivated, secure? Who wouldn’t want that? And third off: screw the men! I should do this because it makes me a more complete person to myself.
Maybe this is a dumb epiphany to you, but damn if it didn’t hit home for me. I try not to be one to fantasize about a life I could have lived given other circumstances; it takes away from the life I’m currently living. However, I am definitely one to sit around and lament all the things I’m not, and this kicked me right in the butt. It was like Future Me sent back a little message- hurry up and start being the person you want to be.